Free From Desire

"Seething mass of conflicting needs and hopes, dreams, dreads, and longings..."*  Really?  My issue these days is that I have no desires.  I feel dried up, literally and figuratively.  A while ago I had been praying consistently that the Lord would liberate me from any desire that isn't part of His Highest Will for me.  The only life-germ left in me is the firm valuing of life itself, and the desire to be dependent emotionally on nothing but Christ.  I guess the Lord has answered my prayer!  But it feels so strange.  I am not used to this!  Feeling passionate about nothing is new to me!  Is this what is meant by detachment?  I don't know, but I do believe this is what I might call a golden crux: a golden moment and posture of being open to Being but otherwise not obliged or compelled to anything.  This is the kind of freedom that requires much strength!  What will I do with this freedom?  That's the point: it's a real choice.  Jesu juva.

*Quote from Margaret Silf's Inner Compass, Chapter 8: The Deepest Desire.

WaterMark

My life as a river:

Springing forth from my parents

in the field of strong family and tight faith tradition

moving in the direction of new horizons

flowing over the rocks of abuse and non-belonging

through the terrain of small-mindedness

encountering new flora and fauna

in the stimulating habitats of university

carving out new paths in pedagogy

stumbling through the rapids of loneliness

falling and crashing in the abyss of desire

pausing in the pools of home

growing into the lake of marriage and home-building

broadening into the sea of developing career and place in community

reaching the delta of new decisions

before arriving at my true destination: Ocean.