The Lord's Love is Lavish!

This is a lovely Scripture song (based on Psalm 139:1-18) by Dan Schutte.  You likely won't hear it in Mass anymore because of revised rules for music in mass.  The reason given is, out of sensitivity to those of the Jewish faith, we refrain from speaking the LORD's Name aloud.  However we still do so when proclaiming Scripture.  Admittedly, I'm not really sure of all the details at work here. 

I'm sharing this song here because it came to mind when meditating on Psalm 139 while doing the devotional exercise from "Love/a guide for prayer" by Bergan & Schwan (pages 15-18). I highly recommend all their books form the Take and Receive series.

After meditating on Psalm 139, reading the given commentary, and entering into prayer, the exercise calls for reflecting on twelve significant events throughout my life.  I noted the following:

1. My conception!  My parents had planned to have only four children.  They were even using a form of contraception.  But the Lord had other plans!  They told me when I was quite young that I was the best surprise they were ever given.  The fact that they had not planned for me didn't make me feel less loved; I felt all the more loved because they impressed upon me that God wanted me to exist and they gratefully received me!  I remember fondly it was a story that I often asked my mother to tell me. 

2. A happy childhood.  Up until age ten I experienced a mostly idyllic childhood for which I am profoundly grateful.  This is when I was given a secure grounding in faith (conceiving God as a Loving Father Who created everything out of Love, relating with Jesus as my Savior and Best-Friend, some inkling of the Spirit, and a rock solid trust in the Truth of God's Word -- the Old & New Testaments).  I was also given a secure sense of belonging to loving parents.  Those two great gifts of grace were sufficient to carry me through my darkest times.

3. A year in Puerto Rico.  My experiences in Puerto Rico as a ten-year-old were life-changing.  My world-view was dramatically broadened, and because I was yet a child, this translated into most fundamentally conveying a sense that the earth is a marvelous place for adventure and I belong here!  Somehow, even though there was so much encounter with "other", because I received it all as glorious and enchanting discovery, I felt I had entered into an intimate experience with something big enough to stretch my imagination.

4. My baptism and reception as a member into the Mennonite Church.  Besides all the sacramental benefits of baptism itself, my experience of it was a great gift: I had a rather mystical awareness of the Spirit being born in me.  I felt the Fullness of the Holy Spirit.  I've never been given the Gift of Tongues, but I have had an abiding, supernatural (Grace) sense of the Spirit's in-dwelling, the Love that will not let me go; praise be Jesus!

5. The gifts of music, piano, teaching; talent and opportunity to develop and share those talents.

6.  Special times of God saving me physically, miraculously. (More* on that later!)

7. A particular prayer time of "Joy"!  I was given a mystical awareness of Christ's Presence within my soul, nearer to me than myself!

8. Waking up at St. Paul's Catholic Church in Madison, Wisconsin, both literally and figuratively!  (Again, more+ on that later!)

9. Becoming Catholic: my waking Vision of my inner Sacred-Circle, the relationships and process involved in BC, and the actual sacrament of Reception.  Glory be to the Father!...

10. Marriage with John.

11. Receiving the gifts of forgiveness and mercy more fully.

12. Learning to let go.

Companions on my Journey

Who have been my travel companions on my "Magi Journey"?  Parents, pastors, teachers, mentors, people who have helped me find my way to a more intimate relationship with Christ.  I would say most especially my parents, and KB in Madison.  How did they help me?  Primarily by the example of seeking and then living what they find.  Seeking to know God by studying Scripture, by daily prayer, and by yielding their will to the Spirit.  Living their understanding of true discipleship, no matter the cost.  They also encouraged me to do the same kind of seeking and obeying, even if the particulars for me were different from the particulars for them.  That is a hugely significant thing because some parents/teachers/leaders would have their children/students/followers conform to their own particulars, but I was blessed to have Christ-models who modeled for me primarily discernment.  Thanks be to God! 

Who threatened me on my journey or the course of my path?  Those who harmed, abused, or bullied me.  Those who ignored opportunities to help.  I still feel some significant bitterness when I remember those kinds of experiences, so, clearly, I have more forgiving to do!  But I have also always marveled at how the Lord has never let others' bad wills/actions thwart His own intention to bless me, AND (and this is really incredible) the Lord doesn't let anything go to waste!  God uses everything in my life for my good and for His glory.  Scriptures promise He will do this, but I still find it to be amazing and cause for much rejoicing when I see Him actually doing it.

That's why I don't condemn myself for continuing to process whatever more I need to forgive.  The Lord is growing my spirit.  The Lord gives me ways and opportunities for healing, and it comes in stages.  So the Spirit confronts me with a bit of something, we chew on it, process it as thoroughly as possible for that time, I heal, I forgive, I grow.  Then at another time, we do it all again, only deeper in my soul.  The Lord is growing my spirit to have a more intimate relationship with His, with Him.

When I imagine arriving where my North-Star has come to rest, I see Heaven.  I see Jesus greeting me with open arms and all of Heaven behind Him rejoicing.  "Welcome my beloved!  Welcome Home!"  When I consider the complete healing I will experience in Heaven, the wholeness-in-Christ that makes all hurts harmless, why can I not assume that now?  Because I'm not there yet.  And that reality is significant.  But I can claim the hope.  And that hope is also significant; it also has substance.  So, in hope, I can hold a Joy that feeds me and that heals me.

Lord Jesus, help me co-operate with the healing You want to accomplish in me today.  Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit; as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be; world without end.  Amen.  And amen! ♡

Reference: Silf, Inner Compass, Chapter 7 "Making Our Way in the Dark"

Divine Friend

I am Hoo, but Who are You, Lord?  Oh, praise be Your Holy Name, You are "I Am"!  Thank You, Lord, for Being!  These days I have less concrete images of You, except as Abba, Jesus, Spirit.  When I try to use words to think of how I think of You what comes to mind is Lover, Dance-partner, Friend.  Lord, I know I am not worthy to be any of these to You, but You are these to me; You are so generous.  I know You in these ways because You have invited me to be Your friend, and You challenge me to be a true lover, to work and dance Your Will, Your Celebration of Life.  Praise be Your Holy Name, dear Abba-Papa!  I love You!  Help me Love you more and more and better and better every day.  Praise be Jesus.  Blessed be the Holy Spirit.