The Lord's Love is Lavish!

This is a lovely Scripture song (based on Psalm 139:1-18) by Dan Schutte.  You likely won't hear it in Mass anymore because of revised rules for music in mass.  The reason given is, out of sensitivity to those of the Jewish faith, we refrain from speaking the LORD's Name aloud.  However we still do so when proclaiming Scripture.  Admittedly, I'm not really sure of all the details at work here. 

I'm sharing this song here because it came to mind when meditating on Psalm 139 while doing the devotional exercise from "Love/a guide for prayer" by Bergan & Schwan (pages 15-18). I highly recommend all their books form the Take and Receive series.

After meditating on Psalm 139, reading the given commentary, and entering into prayer, the exercise calls for reflecting on twelve significant events throughout my life.  I noted the following:

1. My conception!  My parents had planned to have only four children.  They were even using a form of contraception.  But the Lord had other plans!  They told me when I was quite young that I was the best surprise they were ever given.  The fact that they had not planned for me didn't make me feel less loved; I felt all the more loved because they impressed upon me that God wanted me to exist and they gratefully received me!  I remember fondly it was a story that I often asked my mother to tell me. 

2. A happy childhood.  Up until age ten I experienced a mostly idyllic childhood for which I am profoundly grateful.  This is when I was given a secure grounding in faith (conceiving God as a Loving Father Who created everything out of Love, relating with Jesus as my Savior and Best-Friend, some inkling of the Spirit, and a rock solid trust in the Truth of God's Word -- the Old & New Testaments).  I was also given a secure sense of belonging to loving parents.  Those two great gifts of grace were sufficient to carry me through my darkest times.

3. A year in Puerto Rico.  My experiences in Puerto Rico as a ten-year-old were life-changing.  My world-view was dramatically broadened, and because I was yet a child, this translated into most fundamentally conveying a sense that the earth is a marvelous place for adventure and I belong here!  Somehow, even though there was so much encounter with "other", because I received it all as glorious and enchanting discovery, I felt I had entered into an intimate experience with something big enough to stretch my imagination.

4. My baptism and reception as a member into the Mennonite Church.  Besides all the sacramental benefits of baptism itself, my experience of it was a great gift: I had a rather mystical awareness of the Spirit being born in me.  I felt the Fullness of the Holy Spirit.  I've never been given the Gift of Tongues, but I have had an abiding, supernatural (Grace) sense of the Spirit's in-dwelling, the Love that will not let me go; praise be Jesus!

5. The gifts of music, piano, teaching; talent and opportunity to develop and share those talents.

6.  Special times of God saving me physically, miraculously. (More* on that later!)

7. A particular prayer time of "Joy"!  I was given a mystical awareness of Christ's Presence within my soul, nearer to me than myself!

8. Waking up at St. Paul's Catholic Church in Madison, Wisconsin, both literally and figuratively!  (Again, more+ on that later!)

9. Becoming Catholic: my waking Vision of my inner Sacred-Circle, the relationships and process involved in BC, and the actual sacrament of Reception.  Glory be to the Father!...

10. Marriage with John.

11. Receiving the gifts of forgiveness and mercy more fully.

12. Learning to let go.

Companions on my Journey

Who have been my travel companions on my "Magi Journey"?  Parents, pastors, teachers, mentors, people who have helped me find my way to a more intimate relationship with Christ.  I would say most especially my parents, and KB in Madison.  How did they help me?  Primarily by the example of seeking and then living what they find.  Seeking to know God by studying Scripture, by daily prayer, and by yielding their will to the Spirit.  Living their understanding of true discipleship, no matter the cost.  They also encouraged me to do the same kind of seeking and obeying, even if the particulars for me were different from the particulars for them.  That is a hugely significant thing because some parents/teachers/leaders would have their children/students/followers conform to their own particulars, but I was blessed to have Christ-models who modeled for me primarily discernment.  Thanks be to God! 

Who threatened me on my journey or the course of my path?  Those who harmed, abused, or bullied me.  Those who ignored opportunities to help.  I still feel some significant bitterness when I remember those kinds of experiences, so, clearly, I have more forgiving to do!  But I have also always marveled at how the Lord has never let others' bad wills/actions thwart His own intention to bless me, AND (and this is really incredible) the Lord doesn't let anything go to waste!  God uses everything in my life for my good and for His glory.  Scriptures promise He will do this, but I still find it to be amazing and cause for much rejoicing when I see Him actually doing it.

That's why I don't condemn myself for continuing to process whatever more I need to forgive.  The Lord is growing my spirit.  The Lord gives me ways and opportunities for healing, and it comes in stages.  So the Spirit confronts me with a bit of something, we chew on it, process it as thoroughly as possible for that time, I heal, I forgive, I grow.  Then at another time, we do it all again, only deeper in my soul.  The Lord is growing my spirit to have a more intimate relationship with His, with Him.

When I imagine arriving where my North-Star has come to rest, I see Heaven.  I see Jesus greeting me with open arms and all of Heaven behind Him rejoicing.  "Welcome my beloved!  Welcome Home!"  When I consider the complete healing I will experience in Heaven, the wholeness-in-Christ that makes all hurts harmless, why can I not assume that now?  Because I'm not there yet.  And that reality is significant.  But I can claim the hope.  And that hope is also significant; it also has substance.  So, in hope, I can hold a Joy that feeds me and that heals me.

Lord Jesus, help me co-operate with the healing You want to accomplish in me today.  Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit; as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be; world without end.  Amen.  And amen! ♡

Reference: Silf, Inner Compass, Chapter 7 "Making Our Way in the Dark"

Yes! It's Your Eternal Sacred Self

Hello dear Hoo!,
Today you woke up feeling better than usual and yet you still find it so difficult to get anything done.  Why is this?  Is it because you are keeping yourself from doing what it is you really want most to do?  Probably.  Why do you keep yourself from writing?  Why is it so hard to let yourself tell your story?  I think I know why it is.  You have too many times been told you are wrong.  Or others have spoken over you.  Or simply ignored what you had to say.  Or were baffled.  They couldn't grasp the meaning or the significance.  It obviously didn't matter to them like it does to you.

So what?  Why is it you need someone else to value what you have to say?  Why do you need someone else to validate your experience?  Don't get me wrong; you're not the only one who often feels this way.  But is it really necessary?  Do you not value yourself and your experience and your understanding of it regardless of others ability or interest to do so or not?  I don't think you really do.  I think deepest down you are profoundly rooted, grounded in knowing your measureless worth and the value of your life-story.  I think that's why you are in a sense holding yourself hostage until you act accordingly.  So what is this impediment in the middle?  What is between you and your core?

Is it something you fear?  Let's look at this together.

Here are some of the things I can imagine you might fear:
1. You don't want to re-experience the emotions from remembering former events.
2  You don't want to see yourself so starkly in light of the past, and you especially don't want to define yourself in terms of the past.
3. You don't want to be rejected.
4. You don't want others to see you as damaged.
5. You're not sure what you can do with the anger that will inevitably re-surface.
6. And maybe you're not sure what value the past has even to yourself?

What is it you want to do with remembering the past?  What is it you want to make of your story?
To "set the record straight"?
To re-process it in light of who you are now, so you can "redeem" what you've suffered?
To do something creative with it somehow?
To help others avoid similar troubles?

Knowing you the way I do, I think you might find it most helpful to simply take all of this to the Lord in prayer.  I know that sounds so simplistic.  But take your blockage to the Lord.  Take your fears to the Cross.  Ask Jesus "what's the point?"  If you really let your Lord sort these things with you, maybe you will find that there are some things you can simply let go, and there are other things that can profitably be processed.  And who knows?  Maybe there will even be some surprises.  Maybe Jesus will help you remember some good and encouraging things.

Please, do this.  Do it soon, and do it concretely.  Write to Jesus, and let Him speak to you.  Let Him "write" to you through the Spirit, if you will.  Just see what happens.  You have nothing to lose; He's safe.

And then let me know how it went.  I am truly interested!
Your Eternal Sacred Self

Divine Friend

I am Hoo, but Who are You, Lord?  Oh, praise be Your Holy Name, You are "I Am"!  Thank You, Lord, for Being!  These days I have less concrete images of You, except as Abba, Jesus, Spirit.  When I try to use words to think of how I think of You what comes to mind is Lover, Dance-partner, Friend.  Lord, I know I am not worthy to be any of these to You, but You are these to me; You are so generous.  I know You in these ways because You have invited me to be Your friend, and You challenge me to be a true lover, to work and dance Your Will, Your Celebration of Life.  Praise be Your Holy Name, dear Abba-Papa!  I love You!  Help me Love you more and more and better and better every day.  Praise be Jesus.  Blessed be the Holy Spirit.

True Freedom

That's what I really want: to be content in all things, to keep my contentment anchored in Christ, regardless of the circumstances.  That is true freedom.




While I reflect on all the ways and times I have been aware of God leading me into closer union with Him through special experiences or moments of awakening awareness, I am made more clearly mindful that what God wants of me is my complete Trust in Him, and what He wants to give me is complete Life-Giving Contentment.  By "contentment" I don't mean placidity.  "Contentment" means everything tending towards one thing.  That "one thing" for me is my Life in God through Christ.


Along the way, each of these experiences have taught me many things about myself and about God.  But taken altogether I can see that they have one purpose: One-ness w/ my Loving-Creator-Savior-Redeemer-Eternal-Life-Source-Who-Is-Abba!  


Glory be to the Father
And to the Son
And to the Holy Spirit,
As it was in the beginning
Is now
And every shall be
World without end.
Amen!


Is now!  How blessed are we who embrace this Now!
Praise You Jesus!
Thank You Lord!

I am who I am.  I am Hoo!
This blog will be dedicated to exploring (hopefully discovering more and more of) Who I Am, God's dream of me.  Jesu juva!  Solo Dei gloria!  Praise be Jesus Christ, my Lord and Saviour, Lover of my Soul! <3 :) V (BTW those are my symbols for Love, Joy, Peace! )