Companions on my Journey

Who have been my travel companions on my "Magi Journey"?  Parents, pastors, teachers, mentors, people who have helped me find my way to a more intimate relationship with Christ.  I would say most especially my parents, and KB in Madison.  How did they help me?  Primarily by the example of seeking and then living what they find.  Seeking to know God by studying Scripture, by daily prayer, and by yielding their will to the Spirit.  Living their understanding of true discipleship, no matter the cost.  They also encouraged me to do the same kind of seeking and obeying, even if the particulars for me were different from the particulars for them.  That is a hugely significant thing because some parents/teachers/leaders would have their children/students/followers conform to their own particulars, but I was blessed to have Christ-models who modeled for me primarily discernment.  Thanks be to God! 

Who threatened me on my journey or the course of my path?  Those who harmed, abused, or bullied me.  Those who ignored opportunities to help.  I still feel some significant bitterness when I remember those kinds of experiences, so, clearly, I have more forgiving to do!  But I have also always marveled at how the Lord has never let others' bad wills/actions thwart His own intention to bless me, AND (and this is really incredible) the Lord doesn't let anything go to waste!  God uses everything in my life for my good and for His glory.  Scriptures promise He will do this, but I still find it to be amazing and cause for much rejoicing when I see Him actually doing it.

That's why I don't condemn myself for continuing to process whatever more I need to forgive.  The Lord is growing my spirit.  The Lord gives me ways and opportunities for healing, and it comes in stages.  So the Spirit confronts me with a bit of something, we chew on it, process it as thoroughly as possible for that time, I heal, I forgive, I grow.  Then at another time, we do it all again, only deeper in my soul.  The Lord is growing my spirit to have a more intimate relationship with His, with Him.

When I imagine arriving where my North-Star has come to rest, I see Heaven.  I see Jesus greeting me with open arms and all of Heaven behind Him rejoicing.  "Welcome my beloved!  Welcome Home!"  When I consider the complete healing I will experience in Heaven, the wholeness-in-Christ that makes all hurts harmless, why can I not assume that now?  Because I'm not there yet.  And that reality is significant.  But I can claim the hope.  And that hope is also significant; it also has substance.  So, in hope, I can hold a Joy that feeds me and that heals me.

Lord Jesus, help me co-operate with the healing You want to accomplish in me today.  Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit; as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be; world without end.  Amen.  And amen! ♡

Reference: Silf, Inner Compass, Chapter 7 "Making Our Way in the Dark"

Yes! It's Your Eternal Sacred Self

Hello dear Hoo!,
Today you woke up feeling better than usual and yet you still find it so difficult to get anything done.  Why is this?  Is it because you are keeping yourself from doing what it is you really want most to do?  Probably.  Why do you keep yourself from writing?  Why is it so hard to let yourself tell your story?  I think I know why it is.  You have too many times been told you are wrong.  Or others have spoken over you.  Or simply ignored what you had to say.  Or were baffled.  They couldn't grasp the meaning or the significance.  It obviously didn't matter to them like it does to you.

So what?  Why is it you need someone else to value what you have to say?  Why do you need someone else to validate your experience?  Don't get me wrong; you're not the only one who often feels this way.  But is it really necessary?  Do you not value yourself and your experience and your understanding of it regardless of others ability or interest to do so or not?  I don't think you really do.  I think deepest down you are profoundly rooted, grounded in knowing your measureless worth and the value of your life-story.  I think that's why you are in a sense holding yourself hostage until you act accordingly.  So what is this impediment in the middle?  What is between you and your core?

Is it something you fear?  Let's look at this together.

Here are some of the things I can imagine you might fear:
1. You don't want to re-experience the emotions from remembering former events.
2  You don't want to see yourself so starkly in light of the past, and you especially don't want to define yourself in terms of the past.
3. You don't want to be rejected.
4. You don't want others to see you as damaged.
5. You're not sure what you can do with the anger that will inevitably re-surface.
6. And maybe you're not sure what value the past has even to yourself?

What is it you want to do with remembering the past?  What is it you want to make of your story?
To "set the record straight"?
To re-process it in light of who you are now, so you can "redeem" what you've suffered?
To do something creative with it somehow?
To help others avoid similar troubles?

Knowing you the way I do, I think you might find it most helpful to simply take all of this to the Lord in prayer.  I know that sounds so simplistic.  But take your blockage to the Lord.  Take your fears to the Cross.  Ask Jesus "what's the point?"  If you really let your Lord sort these things with you, maybe you will find that there are some things you can simply let go, and there are other things that can profitably be processed.  And who knows?  Maybe there will even be some surprises.  Maybe Jesus will help you remember some good and encouraging things.

Please, do this.  Do it soon, and do it concretely.  Write to Jesus, and let Him speak to you.  Let Him "write" to you through the Spirit, if you will.  Just see what happens.  You have nothing to lose; He's safe.

And then let me know how it went.  I am truly interested!
Your Eternal Sacred Self

Proceed in Peace

My dear Self,
Why are you so anxious?  Because of circumstances?  Or because of body chemistry?  It's most likely simply your various hormones out of balance.  Be patient, my dear.  If you have gotten off-track, even if you are now back on-track, it will take a little while before you feel restored to your sense of normal; it could take 2 months!  Meanwhile, let me assure you: God loves you and is holding you.  You feel vulnerable and without rudder.  But the Lord is your ark and your rudder and when necessary your anchor!  How do I know?  Because I am your spirit who communes with the Holy Spirit.  The Holy Spirit is Always Faithful.  Praise be Jesus!  Praise the Lord!  Blessed be the Name of the Lord forever!

You've been wondering when you last felt healthfully detached or "weaned" from too-dependent attachments.  You tend to draw profound support from mentors, but now you are without mentors, and you feel strangely alone, but also free.  And it somehow reminds you of when you were age four!  What does this mean, you wonder. 

You are entering another stage of maturation.  You are molting.  You are being born.  Birth is strenuous.  But your Mother, The Spirit, is working for your safe delivery.  Be not afraid!  Yes, this could remind you of when you were very young, before you were consciously self-conscious.  But then you were actually profoundly connected with your parents, especially your mother.  Now your Mother is The Lord Himself through His Holy Spirit. 

How can the Lord's Spirit be a Mother?  Jesus Christ the Lord was certainly male in His earthly body.  But our heavenly bodies are not "given in marriage".  In Heaven we are fully born into the whole entity God-the-Creator intended.  God the "Father" is neither male nor female.  God is our Creator; the One Who Creates us.  God's Spirit is neither male nor female, but I like to refer to the Holy Spirit as Mother because the way you experience the Spirit is primarily as the One Who Births you.

So, be not afraid; She holds you well; She is birthing you.
Proceed in Peace, Love, and Joy!
Your sacred Self