Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Why Write?

Clearly, it's been a while.  Why, is not so clear.  This is a blog I really want to write.  This is a topic I want to explore deeply: who I AM (and who I am becoming in the Lord, the great I-AM).  (Sounds serious, doesn't it!  No worries: today's meanderings are all meringue, that is to say: fluff.)  Many of the things I'm doing are all starts along this road.  It's as if I'm doing extensive research for shopping to equip myself for a long trip, but maybe I should just get on the road.  I get so bogged down by all the "preparations."  I think I've just found very sophisticated ways to procrastinate.

For many years (twenty to thirty actually) I've thought about writing my autobiography.  For at least twelve years now I've wanted to write my "spiritual journey."  I keep thinking that the result needs to have a purpose, and preferably one that I determine!  The persevering agitation to write, despite my amazingly versatile array of procrastination techniques, comes from my need for the process.  I need to write.  i NEED to write.  i need TO WRITE.  But I don't give myself permission to jump into the writing because I keep worrying about what will be written, and my lack of control over it, once it's 'out there.'

So, to start, here, now, I'm going to ask myself a question.  And I'm going to demand an answer.  Yes, I'm actually going to demand something of myself!  (So very like and not like me!)  Here's the question:  What do I mean by "writing"?

Hmmm.  That's a really good question!  I think it's a good question because, surely, it must be too easy for too many of us to assume we know what we mean by that word or concept, and yet there's a wide world of what it could entail.  So (and here's one of those lovely tarrying tactics) what all COULD "writing" mean?  (Let's walk around the whole park before we narrow in on one bush around which we can then beat a path having taken great pains to select it by process of elimination, first examining all other contending shrubs!)

Well, when I think I will write, I first think of putting pen to paper, preferably in a private journal, a sweetly nifty one that feels good in my hands and has paper that receives ink beautifully and smoothly.  Along these lines, "writing" requires a physically appealing endeavor, a sensually satisfying experience.  I have to have the right pen w/ the right paper in order to write.  And then, of course, I have to be sitting in a comfy chair, w/ a great cup of coffee brewed and ready to sip from a specially chosen mug, while I listen to soothing-yet-stimulating music that inspires me so much the words are just bursting from my mind and heart.  Optionally, but customarily there are two or three great books on the table at my side so that, if my thoughts wander too far and my eyes drift from my hand-to-paper, I will feel the companionship and encouragement of great writers, (as if I am one of their company).  This type of writing is really all about the pleasure of dreaming w/ a lovely pen in hand and the comfort of a book whose blank pages speak to me of unlimited possibilities.

Sometimes I actually have something I want "to say."  However, I don't really need to say it to anyone in particular, so I want to write my thoughts and feelings where I can secure them for myself to read now and later.  This "writing" is all about "having a voice" and "being heard."  Once-in-a-while I want others to hear me, but mostly I want to quiet all the other voices from the world long enough that I can hear myself.  Writing helps me silence the noise and order my thoughts all at the same time.  Having those thoughts documented on paper gives me some comfort that I have valued my own mind enough that I can be reminded of my thinking and feeling from a particular time, even if I've changed my mind since then.  This exercise in gathering words is all about self-validation/affirmation.

Occasionally I have something specific I want to write or say to a specific person.  Usually this means a letter.  This kind of notation is the easiest.  If I have some Thing to say to some One, I usually have the words required, at the ready.  I pick up a pen, write, and deliver.  Or, more likely these days, I draft an email and press send.  While composing a letter is really about some particular facet of my relationship w/ the recipient, I find I manage to include some creative self-expression in the process.  So, letters are both cathartic and communicative.

Blogging is writing, but so different from all the others, that I can simply call it "blogging," no need of the word "writing."  I could write a blog.  But most of us who blog are really blogging more than we are writing.  Let's explore what I mean by that.  (Yep, we've veered off the park-path and are proceeding to take a taxi downtown.  But don't worry; we'll be back.  We'll find that unique little blossom yet where our intention can find nectar.)  What does it mean "to blog"?  First of all, blogging implies an activity online.  I suppose one could draft the contents of a blog w/out using a computer and the Internet, but for that content to become a "blog," it would eventually have to interface w/ a computer and be posted to the web, even if kept "private."  The particular actions involved in blogging can include gathering and arranging words or pictures or music or anything else (of your own or found on the net) that can be sent over the Internet.  Generally, "blogging" presumes a readership, or more likely a "subscriber,"  some other person who will receive and digest your content rather soon after you've published.  If it's really interesting, they might send it to others and it could "go viral."  Blogs can be ABOUT anything.  They can even be about nothing.  But the motivation for "blogging" is usually somewhat personal.  I'm sure this will become increasingly less true as more and more people and institutions produce blogs, but for now I would bet that most bloggers blog because they have a personal interest in having others read their content which is more-or-less about them or their lives or their passions.  I'm sure one could put a scientific report into the form of a blog, but I doubt that that's done as often as the personal-opinion/-experience version of blogging.

Well, there's so much more to say about types of writing and reasons for blogging, but I think I'm ready to take that taxi back to the park and find that one special flower (have you been following my metaphor?): why I want to write this particular blog.  Why do I want to blog these particular thoughts (and those to come)?  Sigh.  Yes, I really just made a BIG sigh.  I'm blogging because I want to connect w/ someone.  Who s/he will be, I have no idea.  Maybe s/he won't even be "out there."  Maybe she's already here.  I just want to discover who I'm becoming and how I would put that awareness into words, and maybe find some need or purpose fulfilled in doing so.

So there's the bloom (what do I mean by writing?): I write to think, to become more aware.  And what about the nectar?  That depends on the butterflies!

To be continued... (of course!)

Friday, May 25, 2012

Divine Friend

I am Hoo, but Who are You, Lord?  Oh, praise be Your Holy Name, You are "I Am"!  Thank You, Lord, for Being!  These days I have less concrete images of You, except as Abba, Jesus, Spirit.  When I try to use words to think of how I think of You what comes to mind is Lover, Dance-partner, Friend.  Lord, I know I am not worthy to be any of these to You, but You are these to me; You are so generous.  I know You in these ways because You have invited me to be Your friend, and You challenge me to be a true lover, to work and dance Your Will, Your Celebration of Life.  Praise be Your Holy Name, dear Abba-Papa!  I love You!  Help me Love you more and more and better and better every day.  Praise be Jesus.  Blessed be the Holy Spirit.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

WaterMark

My life as a river:

Springing forth from my parents

in the field of strong family and tight faith tradition

moving in the direction of new horizons

flowing over the rocks of abuse and non-belonging

through the terrain of small-mindedness

encountering new flora and fauna

in the stimulating habitats of university

carving out new paths in pedagogy

stumbling through the rapids of loneliness

falling and crashing in the abyss of desire

pausing in the pools of home

growing into the lake of marriage and home-building

broadening into the sea of developing career and place in community

reaching the delta of new decisions

before arriving at my true destination: Ocean.

Friday, February 24, 2012

Twelve Royal Teams

Who have helped "plow the furrow" of my life (to use Silf's metaphor taken from I Kings 19:19)?

My parents
Close friends
Teachers
Pastors
Authors
Key events
The Church
Christ in the Eucharist! :)

How have they been instruments of God?

Mostly through the good example of their lives, and their generous ways of nurturing my spirit through specific growth-producing challenges to specific aspects of myself in need of development.

I am mostly motivated by love: life-giving challenges and mercy, and when I am led, it is because I am willing to follow good example.

No wonder I'm a teacher.

How can I use this perception to help me love others better?

Reference: Silf, Inner Compass, Chapter 3 "Finding Our Past in God"

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

True Freedom

That's what I really want: to be content in all things, to keep my contentment anchored in Christ, regardless of the circumstances.  That is true freedom.




While I reflect on all the ways and times I have been aware of God leading me into closer union with Him through special experiences or moments of awakening awareness, I am made more clearly mindful that what God wants of me is my complete Trust in Him, and what He wants to give me is complete Life-Giving Contentment.  By "contentment" I don't mean placidity.  "Contentment" means everything tending towards one thing.  That "one thing" for me is my Life in God through Christ.


Along the way, each of these experiences have taught me many things about myself and about God.  But taken altogether I can see that they have one purpose: One-ness w/ my Loving-Creator-Savior-Redeemer-Eternal-Life-Source-Who-Is-Abba!  


Glory be to the Father
And to the Son
And to the Holy Spirit,
As it was in the beginning
Is now
And every shall be
World without end.
Amen!


Is now!  How blessed are we who embrace this Now!
Praise You Jesus!
Thank You Lord!

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Question about Justice

When someone hurts or harms you, it seems like (at least at some point) one of two things should happen:  either seek justice or offer mercy.  It might be possible to do both in many cases, especially if justice can be done in a fairly timely fashion.

But if much time has passed, and the one harmed has been experiencing healing through God, or anything better than worldly justice, then it might be the only thing left (of benefit to the one injured) is to offer mercy.

The issue for society remains: should there be "justice" (consequences/ restitution) for society at large even if the particular injured doesn't need it?

Is "justice" ever just punishment?  If so, is it really just?

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Ways I Pray

Experiencing my relationship w/ God through prayer.
All the "ways" I pray:

  • carrying a consciousness of God's Presence constantly in my heart
  • passing conversations w/ God in my head/ heart
  • praying Scripture (esp Psalms)
  • studying Scripture and asking the Holy Spirit for understanding
  • making music
  • praising God for my day (and everything and everyone in it) throughout the day
  • liturgically (in Mass, w/ Christ's Body)
  • communing w/ the Eucharist
  • tending to others w/ the consciousness that they are Christ in my world
  • crying out to God w/ any troubles or challenges or hurts I feel
  • simply "sitting w/" God
  • conversations w/ God as I read anything
  • meditating
  • contemplating
  • dreaming
  • sometimes even just through movement (I like to turn my stretches into prayer)
  • thinking about God's working in my life and in others' lives


I engage in many kinds of prayer!
I wonder how many others ways I might open my living to praying?

Friday, January 13, 2012

Looking at the How of my life

This is basically about how I respond to my context.

How do I nurture my relationships?
Are there relationships I have neglected?  And would I like to change that?

How do I use all that I've learned?
How do I use my gifts and skills?
Have I neglected any of these gifts?
How can I exercise better stewardship?

How do I care for things I have?
Are there things I should let go of?

How do I make use of all my experiences? (especially those which have "broadened my horizons" even if I'm not "there" now)

How do I use my time?

Are there attitudes I want to change?
Are there dreams I want to nurture?

When I look at the ways God has led me in the past, how would I map His plan for my life?  And am I cooperating w/ His plans for me today?

In what ways has God invited me to share His Love and Light in the world?

What are my priorities?  Are they congruent w/ Christ's?

Jesu juva!!!
Solo Dei gloria!

Reference: Silf, Inner Compass, Chapter 2 "Where Am I? How Am I? Who Am I?"

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Here and Now

Considering WHERE I Am:  I often think about my context (which in my mind includes EVERYwhere I've ever been, everyone I've known, all I've learned and done, etc.  I.e. the totality of my life).  But for this exercise I want to look at simply my current (daily or weekly) context.  I.e. where i AM.  :)

Planet
Continent
Nation
State
County
Town
Neighborhood
Family
Household

Home
Studio
Church

Family
Friends
Acquaintances
Strangers

Genetic makeup
Current health status
Gifts
Strengths
Weaknesses
Tendencies
Preferences

Choices that have brought me to this point
Choices I sustain
Changes I am currently processing

What I like about myself
What I don't like about myself
What I like about others
What I don't like about others

Everything I'm aware of and grateful for
Everything I'm aware of but take for granted
Everything I'm vaguely aware of but never really examine
Everything I'm unaware of, but is even-so present

Consider all these things again in light of:
Which of my choices has helped to bring me here?
Which of my choices keeps me here?
Which of these are truly and totally beyond my control/ choice?


Man!  There's a great deal to consider in even just the periphery of my life!!!
I so often think about my interior world, and how I can manifest it.  This exercise is actually a powerful one for me simply because I so seldom examine my "given" world.

Jesu juva!
Solo Dei gloria!
<3 :) V

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

I am who I am.  I am Hoo!
This blog will be dedicated to exploring (hopefully discovering more and more of) Who I Am, God's dream of me.  Jesu juva!  Solo Dei gloria!  Praise be Jesus Christ, my Lord and Saviour, Lover of my Soul! <3 :) V (BTW those are my symbols for Love, Joy, Peace! )