Hello dear Hoo!,
Today you woke up feeling better than usual and yet you still find it so difficult to get anything done. Why is this? Is it because you are keeping yourself from doing what it is you really want most to do? Probably. Why do you keep yourself from writing? Why is it so hard to let yourself tell your story? I think I know why it is. You have too many times been told you are wrong. Or others have spoken over you. Or simply ignored what you had to say. Or were baffled. They couldn't grasp the meaning or the significance. It obviously didn't matter to them like it does to you.
So what? Why is it you need someone else to value what you have to say? Why do you need someone else to validate your experience? Don't get me wrong; you're not the only one who often feels this way. But is it really necessary? Do you not value yourself and your experience and your understanding of it regardless of others ability or interest to do so or not? I don't think you really do. I think deepest down you are profoundly rooted, grounded in knowing your measureless worth and the value of your life-story. I think that's why you are in a sense holding yourself hostage until you act accordingly. So what is this impediment in the middle? What is between you and your core?
Is it something you fear? Let's look at this together.
Here are some of the things I can imagine you might fear:
1. You don't want to re-experience the emotions from remembering former events.
2 You don't want to see yourself so starkly in light of the past, and you especially don't want to define yourself in terms of the past.
3. You don't want to be rejected.
4. You don't want others to see you as damaged.
5. You're not sure what you can do with the anger that will inevitably re-surface.
6. And maybe you're not sure what value the past has even to yourself?
What is it you want to do with remembering the past? What is it you want to make of your story?
To "set the record straight"?
To re-process it in light of who you are now, so you can "redeem" what you've suffered?
To do something creative with it somehow?
To help others avoid similar troubles?
Knowing you the way I do, I think you might find it most helpful to simply take all of this to the Lord in prayer. I know that sounds so simplistic. But take your blockage to the Lord. Take your fears to the Cross. Ask Jesus "what's the point?" If you really let your Lord sort these things with you, maybe you will find that there are some things you can simply let go, and there are other things that can profitably be processed. And who knows? Maybe there will even be some surprises. Maybe Jesus will help you remember some good and encouraging things.
Please, do this. Do it soon, and do it concretely. Write to Jesus, and let Him speak to you. Let Him "write" to you through the Spirit, if you will. Just see what happens. You have nothing to lose; He's safe.
And then let me know how it went. I am truly interested!
Your Eternal Sacred Self
Today you woke up feeling better than usual and yet you still find it so difficult to get anything done. Why is this? Is it because you are keeping yourself from doing what it is you really want most to do? Probably. Why do you keep yourself from writing? Why is it so hard to let yourself tell your story? I think I know why it is. You have too many times been told you are wrong. Or others have spoken over you. Or simply ignored what you had to say. Or were baffled. They couldn't grasp the meaning or the significance. It obviously didn't matter to them like it does to you.
So what? Why is it you need someone else to value what you have to say? Why do you need someone else to validate your experience? Don't get me wrong; you're not the only one who often feels this way. But is it really necessary? Do you not value yourself and your experience and your understanding of it regardless of others ability or interest to do so or not? I don't think you really do. I think deepest down you are profoundly rooted, grounded in knowing your measureless worth and the value of your life-story. I think that's why you are in a sense holding yourself hostage until you act accordingly. So what is this impediment in the middle? What is between you and your core?
Is it something you fear? Let's look at this together.
Here are some of the things I can imagine you might fear:
1. You don't want to re-experience the emotions from remembering former events.
2 You don't want to see yourself so starkly in light of the past, and you especially don't want to define yourself in terms of the past.
3. You don't want to be rejected.
4. You don't want others to see you as damaged.
5. You're not sure what you can do with the anger that will inevitably re-surface.
6. And maybe you're not sure what value the past has even to yourself?
What is it you want to do with remembering the past? What is it you want to make of your story?
To "set the record straight"?
To re-process it in light of who you are now, so you can "redeem" what you've suffered?
To do something creative with it somehow?
To help others avoid similar troubles?
Knowing you the way I do, I think you might find it most helpful to simply take all of this to the Lord in prayer. I know that sounds so simplistic. But take your blockage to the Lord. Take your fears to the Cross. Ask Jesus "what's the point?" If you really let your Lord sort these things with you, maybe you will find that there are some things you can simply let go, and there are other things that can profitably be processed. And who knows? Maybe there will even be some surprises. Maybe Jesus will help you remember some good and encouraging things.
Please, do this. Do it soon, and do it concretely. Write to Jesus, and let Him speak to you. Let Him "write" to you through the Spirit, if you will. Just see what happens. You have nothing to lose; He's safe.
And then let me know how it went. I am truly interested!
Your Eternal Sacred Self
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